Divorce prevention

Who need this course:

Couples needing a marriage make-over program:

1. To Improve intimacy

2. To improve communication

3. To restore a marriage from near divorce situations

4. Re reignite the passion in the relationship

5. To have the marriage of your dream

20 practical, proven, and easy-to-do tips for couples trying to restore their marriage from divorce or near-divorce situations

1. Prioritize Safe Conversations

(Harville Hendrix, Imago Therapy)
Practice “intentional dialogue”:
• One speaks, the other listens without interrupting.
• Use phrases like “What I hear you saying is…” to promote understanding.

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2. Build Love Maps

(John Gottman)
Relearn each other:
• Ask questions about each other’s dreams, stresses, hopes.
• This rebuilds intimacy and emotional closeness.

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3. Use the 5:1 Ratio of Positivity

(John Gottman)
For every negative interaction, aim for five positive ones.
• Give compliments, show appreciation, smile more.
• Avoid sarcasm, criticism, or eye-rolling.

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4. Revisit the “Why”

(Sue Johnson, Emotionally Focused Therapy)
Ask: Why did we choose each other?
• Reflect on the original love story.
• Identify what brought you together to reignite motivation.

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5. Start a Shared Journal

(Integrative approach)
Write entries about what you’re learning, appreciating, or struggling with.
• Swap journals weekly.
• This encourages emotional transparency.

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6. Speak Each Other’s Love Language

(Gary Chapman)
Identify your love languages (words, acts, gifts, time, touch).
• Practice them daily.
• It’s a simple way to rebuild emotional trust.

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7. Make Daily Repair Attempts

(John Gottman)
Say things like:
• “I didn’t mean that the way it came out.”
• “Let’s take a break and come back to this.”
These small gestures repair emotional wounds.

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8. Apologize Effectively

(Janis Abrahms Spring)
Use the 4 R’s of a good apology:
• Responsibility, Remorse, Restitution, and Repetition (of better behavior).

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9. Schedule Weekly Check-ins

(Modern couple’s therapy)
• Sit down once a week with no distractions.
• Talk about the relationship: What’s going well? What needs work?

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10. Learn to Self-Soothe During Conflict

(John Gottman)
Take a break when emotions get too high.
• Breathe, walk, or listen to calming music.
• Come back to the conversation with a clear head.

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11. Practice Emotional Responsiveness

(Sue Johnson)
Be present and emotionally available.
• When your partner says, “I feel alone,” respond with warmth, not logic.
• “I’m here. I didn’t know you felt that way.”

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12. Re-negotiate Expectations

(Terry Real)
Ask: “What expectations did we have that set us up to fail?”
• Create new, more realistic ones that reflect current realities.

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13. Schedule “Connection Time”

(Esther Perel)
Protect time for fun, novelty, and touch.
• Go on walks, dance in the kitchen, or revisit a shared hobby.
• Don’t wait for desire—schedule it.

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14. Clean the Slate Together

(David Schnarch)
Acknowledge past hurts without staying stuck in blame.
• Say: “Let’s own our past mistakes and build something better.”

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15. Eliminate Criticism and Defensiveness

(Gottman’s Four Horsemen)
Replace “You never…” with “I feel…”
• Use “soft startups” to avoid triggering your partner’s defenses.

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16. Get Professional Help When Needed

(All therapists recommend this)
Even a few sessions with a skilled couples therapist can help change harmful patterns and guide reconciliation.

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17. Create Tech-Free Zones

(Modern relationship counseling)
• Make dinner or the bedroom device-free.
• Prioritize connection without distractions.

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18. Celebrate Small Wins

(Solution-Focused Therapy)
Notice and affirm small steps of improvement.
• “We didn’t fight this weekend—that’s progress!”

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19. Rebuild Trust Gradually

(Brene Brown & EFT principles)
Trust = Small acts done consistently over time.
• Show up. Be reliable. Keep your word.
• Don’t demand instant forgiveness—earn it.

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20. See Each Other as Allies, Not Enemies

(Terry Real)
Reframe conflicts as “us versus the problem,” not “me versus you.”
• Use language like “Let’s figure this out together.”

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