Biblical Sexuality

A biblical perspective on healthy married sex emphasizes mutual love, respect, and commitment between a husband and wife. Here are some tips rooted in Scripture and Christian principles:

1. Recognize God’s Design for Intimacy

• Genesis 2:24: “A man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

Sexual intimacy is part of God’s plan for marriage, symbolizing unity and oneness. Embrace it as a gift to strengthen your bond.

2. Prioritize Mutual Consent and Pleasure

• 1 Corinthians 7:3-5: “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.”

Sex within marriage should be mutual, with each partner seeking to meet the other’s needs. Open communication about desires and boundaries is key.

3. Foster Emotional and Spiritual Connection

• Ephesians 5:25: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”

A healthy sex life stems from a foundation of love, trust, and emotional intimacy. Pray together, share your feelings, and nurture your relationship outside the bedroom.

4. Celebrate the Exclusivity of Marriage

• Hebrews 13:4: “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure.”

Protect your marriage by guarding against temptations and maintaining fidelity. Celebrate your unique connection with your spouse.

5. Communicate Openly About Expectations

• Song of Solomon: This poetic book celebrates romantic and physical love between a husband and wife.

Talk openly about your feelings, expectations, and preferences in a loving and respectful manner.

6. Honor Each Other’s Needs and Boundaries

• Respect is crucial in intimacy. Avoid pressuring your spouse into anything they’re uncomfortable with. Love involves sacrifice and understanding.

7. Practice Selflessness

• Philippians 2:3-4: “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.”

Approach intimacy with a giving spirit, focusing on your spouse’s joy and fulfillment.

8. Seek Renewal and Forgiveness

• Isaiah 1:18: “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow.”

If past mistakes or hurts affect your sexual relationship, seek healing through honest conversations, prayer, and possibly counseling.

9. Maintain Physical Health

• Honor your body as the temple of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). A healthy body contributes to a fulfilling sex life. Encourage each other to stay active, eat well, and rest.

10. Embrace Joy and Playfulness

• Proverbs 5:18-19: “May you rejoice in the wife of your youth…may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love.”

God encourages delight in your spouse. Enjoy the playful, joyful aspects of your intimate relationship.

If challenges arise, consider seeking guidance from a trusted pastor, counselor, or mentor who shares a biblical perspective. Always invite God’s presence into your marriage, including the intimate aspects, for growth and unity.

Dr. Juli Slattery, a clinical psychologist and co-founder of Authentic Intimacy, offers profound insights into cultivating a healthy sexual relationship within marriage from a biblical perspective. Here are some key principles she emphasizes:

1. Understand Sex as a Reflection of Covenant Love

• Covenant vs. Contract: Dr. Slattery distinguishes between contractual love, which is conditional and performance-based, and covenant love, which mirrors God’s unwavering commitment to us. In marriage, sexual intimacy should reflect this covenant love—faithful, sacrificial, and enduring.

2. Embrace Sexual Discipleship

• Intentional Growth: She introduces the concept of sexual discipleship, encouraging couples to intentionally align their sexual relationship with biblical truths. This involves ongoing learning, open communication, and seeking God’s guidance to foster sexual intimacy that honors Him.

3. Cultivate Four Aspects of Godly Love in Sexual Intimacy

• Faithfulness: Building a foundation of trust and fidelity, addressing issues like pornography or emotional unfaithfulness to ensure safety in the relationship.

• Intimate Knowing: Moving beyond physical acts to share hearts and souls, fostering emotional and spiritual nakedness.

• Sacrifice: Adopting an attitude of serving one another, putting aside personal needs to love your spouse well through all circumstances.

• Celebration and Passion: Taking time to rejoice in love, building creativity, fun, and passion into the relationship.

4. Address Sexual Brokenness with Grace

• Healing and Redemption: Recognizing that many couples carry sexual baggage, Dr. Slattery encourages addressing past wounds and misconceptions with grace, seeking healing through open dialogue, prayer, and, if necessary, professional counseling.

5. Pursue Holistic Intimacy

• Beyond Physicality: She emphasizes that true sexual intimacy encompasses emotional, spiritual, and relational dimensions, not just physical interaction. Couples are encouraged to deepen their connection in all these areas to reflect God’s design for marital intimacy.

By integrating these principles, couples can cultivate a sexual relationship that not only enhances their marital bond but also reflects the profound love and commitment that God intends for marriage.