The Successful Marriage

SECRETS OF HAPPILY MARRIED COUPLES

1. Happily married couples understand the importance of touch. They hug each other often while whispering affirmative words: Love you. You are the sweetest thing that ever happen to me.

2. Happily married couples understand the power of words. They scan the atmosphere to find their spouse doing good. They seek to identify the good they do and celebrate them for it. They expect the best and see the best in their partner. They don't wait until death to eulogize their partner. No, they scatter the rose while they can still smell the fragrance. They understand the amazing power of words to trigger the secretion of neurotransmitters that activate the pleasure centers of the brain, thus enhancing the happiness of their spouse.

3. Happily married couples understand the power of words. They know that one negative or abusive word hurled at each other can extinguish the flame of love and happiness and so they resolutely avoid it.

4. Happily married couples understand the importance of serving each other. They administer to their spouse the best customer service. They anticipate and seek earnestly to meet each other’s needs.

5. Happily married couples understand vulnerability. They are not arrogant, but instead they can be influenced by each other. They are not proud but are humble enough to be their partner’s best student.

6. Happily married couples understand family finance. It is not a tug a war between "how much I earn and how much they spend". Rather, it is our resources, and we are building a life together. Whatever I earn, I earn on behalf of the family and for their good.

7. Happily married couples understand the importance of communication. They don’t repress their feelings and resort to stonewalling. Instead they seek for gentle inoffensive ways to express themselves. They seek to become great listeners, remembering that their partner too, has a story to tell.

8. Happily married couples are sensitive to the feelings of their partner. They know how to empathize and walk in their partner’s shoes. They are gentle and patient with each other’s flaws, faults and mistakes.

9. Happily married couples know that friendship is the ultimate goal. They listen, talk and laugh with each other. They exhibit good team spirit, remembering that they are not opponents but instead are performers on the same team.

10. Happily married couples understand the purpose of sex, to allow for the deepest expression of their love for each other. They don’t defraud each other, waiting until they "feel like it". They don’t ignore each other’s needs or seek only their own pleasure. They seek a better understanding of each other’s body and assist in improving the health and wellbeing of each other. They are gentle and tender and understanding. They ask questions and they listen to understand how they can offer the best customer service.

11. The happiest couples “turn toward bid” rather than “turn away bid”. They don't ignore their partner’s efforts to ignite the flame of love or strengthen the bond of affection. Instead, they quickly recognize their spouse’s bid or attempt to connect with them and respond in ways that show respect and due regard. They maximize every effort to improve the relationship.

12. The happiest couples discuss expectations. They don’t recoil in silence expecting their partner to be a mind reader. They don’t wait until their hopes are dashed and their unspoken requests are left unmet, then they rant and rave and start a blame game. No, they initiate the conversation by asking questions and giving answers. They are patient and gentle with their partner’s lapse in judgment or lack of intuition remembering that marriage is the union of two imperfect persons.

13. The happiest couples are constantly seeking to improve their conflict resolution skills. They don’t yell or raise their voice in impatience. Instead, they improve their argument while searching for the facts.

14. Happily married couples learn to deal effectively with the in-laws. When there’s an issue with her relatives, for example, she confronts them while protecting his reputation. They protect each other’s image by sharing the good and not the bad with the relatives, except an extremely dire occurrence warrants it.

They are generous and gentle with the in-laws. They support them with cash and kind when needed, remembering that they are married, not only to their partner, but also to their partner’s immediate family.

They don’t discuss important family matters with the relatives, before their spouse is aware. They don’t allow their relatives to meddle. They understand that the marriage bond is the closest and most sacred human relationship and it’s borders must be protected at all cost.

15. **They don’t escalate a volatile scenario with impetuous words, instead they give the soft answer that turns away wrath. They attack problem and not people. They listen, not to reply but to understand.

**They don’t use or berate people. They support, encourage and edify their spouse. They have a mindset of healing. They engage in restorative conversation remembering that God has committed to them the ministry of reconciliation.

16. Happily married couples understand the importance of wisdom. They know they are dealing with an intelligent being, so they don’t expect to always have things done according to their own plan or desire. They listen to each other’s perspectives and adjust and edit their projections and programs as deem necessary. They know they are joint heirs together, so they give and take and adjust and compromise so that the best decision prevails. It’s not a monologue but a dialogue, and each other’s viewpoint is respected. As a result, they transition from being twain but one, and experience the joy and thrill of true intimacy.